The Not So Secret Life of Brenna
by misanoe
Summary: Far from being a masterpiece of literature, Sohlien and I had much fun writing this spoof in response to a mispelling of Brennan's name on the Pure board. *Warning* Not proof read and written in the early hours of the morn. Continue at risk of dumbening.


To Dark Mirage who challenged: |Quote: | |someone write a BRENNA story...Brennan netted by the GSA | |while in the guise and persona of Brenna, providing Eckhart| |with the best laugh of the last 5 years...someone, do it, | |please!!!! |  
  
We thought, we have no lives. Why not?  
  
Notes from the Authors:  
  
Sohlien: Greetings and enjoy our child whom we have given countless hours of labour to. I have stretch marks.  
  
Misanoe: Okay people who love this show and the characters we made fun of; please don't beat me. I love Mutant X, you guys know I do. (Although I have really odd ways of showing it) But Sohlien just started writing this to respond to Dark Mirages challenge and she sent the beginning to me and I couldn't resist adding and pretty soon we were tossing the sucker back and forth at three in the morning. (Which is why it's so odd). Somehow it went from making fun of one thing to just making fun of everything, and a spoof was born. Anything we wrote does not mean we actually feel this way about the show or characters. It was all in the name of humor and written in good fun.   
  
Disclaimer: This story is for the sole intention of explaining and revealing the daily life of Brenna. It was not made with the intention of making fun of transvestites or homosexuals. All characters in this story are being made fun of, for we are equal and just beings who believe that we should be not prejudice towards some, but towards all. So a word of caution out there to anyone that desire to seek our blood after reading this, for we have warned you of what is to come.  
  
The (Not-So) Secret Life of Brenna  
  
Written by: Sohlien and Misanoe  
  
It was a dark, cold Friday night and the sound of heels clicking firmly against the wet pavement sliced through the air. These blood red heels were graced by their owners, a pair of slender, long muscular legs thinly veiled by neon pink fishnet stockings. The heels halted. A small, dark pleather halter top rubbed against a miniscule denim miniskirt clinging against voluptuous hips. Brightly painted fingertips brushed aside awry strands of damp hair and full red lips opened.  
  
"Does this skirt make me look fat?"  
  
"No, Brennan...you look fine," Shalimar answered with an air of annoyance.  
  
"It does, doesn't it? I knew I shouldn't have worn this! I TOLD you the red suede one with the diagonal gold lines would best match my shoes! I'm never listening to you ever again! I want to go home and change!" pouted Brenna as he/she crossed his/her arms around his/her chest and sulked." And by the way, it's Brenna...BRENNA!"  
  
"No we are not going back! We've gotten this far already! There's no turning back."  
  
The two crept as silently across the floor as they could with their six inch heels. "Brennan...er...Brenna!" Shalimar hissed aloud. "Now, if my calculations are correct, it should be somewhere around here. I know! Let's contact Emma back at the sanctuary; she'll know where it is!"  
  
Bringing her hand up to her face, she spoke out into her ring.  
  
"Emma!"  
  
"Hi, Emma!" Brenna called out from behind Shalimar's shoulder.  
  
"Hey, Brennan," Emma greeted back.  
  
"It's BRENNA, Emma! Get it right!" Brenna whined, pouting her full red lips in frustration. "Why can't anyone get it right?"  
  
"Err.don't you think you're taking this a bit too far, Brennan.I mean, Brenna?" she dubiously asked.  
  
"There's no time for idle chit chat, Emma! We need to know, WHERE IS IT?" Shalimar cut in.  
  
"The same FREAKING place it was 2 minutes ago Shalimar! Around the daggone corner!" Emma's exasperated voice floated back through the ring com.  
  
"Right! Got it...thanks Emma!" Shalimar chirped back. She glanced at Brenna and purred, "Let's go kick some butt!"  
  
"Right!" Brenna enthusiastically answered back.  
  
The clicking of the heels continued, as they ran as super heroes run. The heels once again stopped.  
  
"Wait..." Shalimar spoke as she held up her palm to halt Brenna and held the other hand up to her lips." Where was it again, Emma?"  
  
"AUGHGHGHGHGH! Freakin @!%*, mother of a *^@%$!*, stupid &#@%@&*!!!!!!"  
  
--5 MINUTES LATER--  
  
"I can't believe we got caught already!" Shalimar cried out in frustration.  
  
"Well, I couldn't just LEAVE my purse LYING there after I dropped it. It had my favorite lipstick in it. My favorite lipstick that has been so unfairly discontinued...it's called Coral Essence by Maybel--" Brenna whined, trying to explain his/her situation.  
  
"SHUT UP!" A large man yelled, cutting through Brenna's monologue. Turning to his companion he had the look of a desperate man. "Can I kill them...please?"  
  
Goon number 2 had indecision written all over his face. Anyone could see he wanted to say yes, he really did. Letting out a painful sigh, he grimly shook his head in defeat. "We can't. Against orders."  
  
Goon number 1 looked like he was about to cry. In a moment eyes grew incredibly wide in shock, a small yelp escaping from his lips. Turning around in horror he stared at Brenna/Brennan in disbelief.  
  
"Did you just grab my ass?"  
  
Smiling at GN1, Brenna suggestively licked her/his lips. "Delicious."  
  
"That's it, I quit." GN1 spoke out. "No amount of money in the world is worth this."  
  
"You can't go," GN2 argued, "we already took the money."  
  
"Why don't you watch over them and I'll take it back to Gabriel."  
  
"No, you watch them and I'll take it back to Gabriel!"  
  
"No, you!"  
  
"No, you!"  
  
Watching them bicker, Shalimar let out a long suffering sigh. "I'll handle this," she whispered to Brenna. Slowly she stood up and seductively sauntered towards the two arguing goons, rapidly licking her lips and contorting her mouth into an odd chewing motion as her eye brows danced around her forehead.  
  
"Hey," she spoke in her deep, sultry voice. Twirling a strand of her curly blonde hair with a single finger, she thrust a hip to the side, running her other hand up and down her thigh.  
  
"Do you have to pee?" GN2 asked his brows knitted, watching her in confusion.  
  
"No-no, I think she's trying to hit on you?" GN1 contributed his voice a bit hesitant as he watched Shalimar sway her hips back and forth like a seesaw.  
  
"Are you sure?" GN2's voice was doubtful as he continued to watch Shalimar, who was now thrusting her chest out like a turkey.  
  
GN1 shuddered and lead them to a door which opened into a large room. He tossed them in and they fell to the floor. Brenna looked up at the figure above him.  
  
"Gabriel! I would have never guessed it was YOU!" he/she cursed as his/her eyes narrowed.  
  
"Shalimar...we meet once again, but who is this beauty that stands beside you?" Gabriel spoke.  
  
Shalimar froze in disbelief. "BRENNA?" she cried in bewilderment.  
  
"Yes, Brenna...come here. I must kiss you," Gabriel cooed in a smooth, velvety voice.  
  
"BRENNA? You chose BRENNA over ME???!?!?" Shalimar repeatedly screamed until Gabriel signaled for his men to silence her.  
  
"No! Never will my lips touch yours!" Brenna stood and yelled in firm defiance.  
  
"So be it!" Gabriel angrily yelled. "Nobody denies me of a kiss and lives to tell of it! Men! SEIZE HER!"  
  
The men hovered around Shalimar and proceeded to carry her away.  
  
"No! Not her!" Gabriel yelled, "HER!" as he pointed towards Brenna.  
  
The men, confused, shrugged and started towards Brenna.  
  
"Take them to.THE STASIS ROOM!" Gabriel ordered.  
  
"WHY BRENNA????" Was the last thing Gabriel heard, as the goons carried the two away.  
  
THE STASIS ROOM  
  
"Finally!" Eckhart cried in exuberance as he crawled out of the stasis pod. Several minutes earlier, somehow, a magical fairy flew into the pod room and released him of his prison. With that done, it disappeared into a poof of colorful smoke A door suddenly hissed open and Eckhart tore off his clothing and stood in front of a white wall to hide. Easily blending into the wall like a chameleon, he disappeared from human sight.  
  
"Yous better stay in here until we get the program ready!" Goon number 1 shouted as he wiped away a running piece of snot from his nose.  
  
"We're trapped!" Shalimar moaned, her top mysteriously shrinking down a size to give everyone an eyeful of her ample cleavage.  
  
"Don't worry, Emma and Jesse will.hey, what's that?" Brenna questioned as he squinted at a pile of clothes in the corner of the room. Shalimar and Brenna crept closer to find a huddled figure.  
  
"Eckhart?" Shalimar guessed.  
  
"Eckhart!" Brenna confirmed as he/she saw Eckhart in the light. "We thought you were gone!"  
  
"Stay back!" Eckhart yelled as Brenna inched closer. "I don't know who or what you are, but STAY BACK!"  
  
"But, we're here to help get rid of Gabriel..." Brenna answered.  
  
"Put me back in statis! I want to go back!" Eckhart screamed as he clamored back into his stasis pod. The sight before him was hideous to see, he wished he was back in his peaceful sleep where he spent all his time dreaming about sterile rooms and freshly laundered sheets.  
  
Suddenly, a loud explosion shook the room. Heavy smoke filled the air. As the clouds of smoke thinned, dramatic music thundered in the air and two silhouettes appeared.  
  
"Emma! Jesse!" Brenna cried.  
  
"Are we glad to see you guys!" Shalimar paused and thoughtfully tilted her head in confusion. "How did you guys blow that wall up?"  
  
"Well, you see, Shalimar, five minutes ago I suddenly found out I could shoot fire from my eyes and create lightning from my knee caps." Emma responded cheerfully. "When I told Adam, he said that although he wasn't sure, perhaps my powers were maturing. In time I should be capable of believable acting!"  
  
"Oooooo." The others replied in awe.  
  
"Bee-leeve-able ahk-ting?" Brenna sounded out in confusion, pondering over the two foreign words.  
  
"Did you get another power, Jesse?" asked Brenna.  
  
"Nope," he answered back, "I'm still as useless as ever." With those seven words he was finished with all his lines in this pointless adventure.  
  
"Ooohhhh." Brenna murmured, "That sucks. Why don't I take off my shirt to make everyone else feel better?" With that said, he ripped off his halter and began to flex his chiseled, oiled down chest.  
  
"Let's go home guys. It's been a long day," Shalimar said to the others as she slowly walked towards an invisible camera, her hair flying about in a sudden gust of wind. Once again, her top seemingly shrunk another size and Shalimar's face began to contort into interesting shades of purple as she tried to breathe.  
  
"Yeah," the rest of them agreed as they followed suit. Posing in an a formation, they began to stride step to step towards the hole in the wall to the pulsating music of the Mutant X theme, each forgetting how or why they had gone to Genomex in the first place.  
  
Who knew, who cared. The end. 


End file.
